Her Edgy Gringo Friend

Sunday February 4, 2007

Still in Sao Paulo,  went out last night with O.  Although a native Paulista, she lives miles out of town and has only recently returned to the city so doesn´t have a clue where is good to go.  Not knowing this, I let her choose, so we spent 30 minutes in a cab going to a remote area of SP only to find two over-crowded bars, with what looked like at least a 30 minute queue populated by 16 year olds.  So we ended up taking another 30 minute cab ride back to Jardim, which is where I´d originally suggested we go.  Moral of the story: be strong, take control…be a man.

Even though we´d finally arrived in a somewhat-acceptable drinking establishment, it was still far from desirable…it was ´All Blacks´ in Jardim Paulista, an affluent and therefore uninteresting district of central Sao Paulo.  All Blacks as you probably can tell is an English themed pub, that had a live band playing horrendous soft-rock covers.  They covered them well, but if you cover an horrendous song well, it´s still an horrendous soft-rock cover.

O has lost loads of weight since the last time I saw her and she was slim then.  Now she´s skinny and because of this looks like a teenager (she´s 25).  Meaning: a) I get lots of dubious looks and b) she gets hit on a lot.  An example of the latter being when she went to the bar to get drinks, only 2 feet away from me, and was hit upon by this gross middle-aged brazilian (I´m a gross middle-aged gringo, which is an entiiiiiirely different thing).  ´I´m with my boyfriend´ she says, pointing at me and so we shake hands, but he continues to talk with her.  She repeats it, and I reinforced it with a ´But you don´t care do you?´, in English, looking straight at his eyes, giving a gangsta performance that De Niro would be proud of, to which he replied ´No I dont ´.  Which was a good move on his part coz it caused me to cack my pants, grab O and scurry to a different area of the bar as far away as possible from him.

Then onto Love Story.

As I mentioned in the previous post, I´d had my second doubts about going here with her, now I was onto to my eighth and ninth.  At about 2ish she brought it up and, delicately, I shared my reservations with her ´There´s loads of hookers and trannies there, I dont think you´ll like it´.  But she insisted, so we went and I´m glad we did coz it was ace, as it always is.   Surprisingly, and I dont know why it´s suprising but it is, there are loads of male hookers there too.  And trannies.  Male hookers and trannies.  Should bring in a couple o more hits.  They´re all muscly and beefed up, a bit like me but a tad less-lardy.  A stupid question: are male hookers usually gay?  Coz there were loads making out with girls last night.  I suppose you shouldn´t necessarily have to be gay in that profession, but it´s gotta make life easier hasn´t it?

I forgot how much Brazilian Funk they play there.  Not having been to Brazil for over a year, Brazilian-Funk/Thrash metal mash-ups seem to be all the rage these days.  Quite good.  Can´t sing along to it though.  It´s only a matter of time before there´s a crossover Brazilian Funk artist in Europe or the US, or at least a crossover single. 

And when the girls dance to Funk…oh my god….´Why are you crying?´she asked when the first track came on…´I dunno, something in my eye´.

So we finished at the requisite obscene hour of 6am, went back to the hotel, happy that I´d officially pulled-off the title of O´s Edgy Gringo Friend.

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